Waking Sunrise

The story of us,

It always starts the same,

With a boy and a girl

And a hope and a dream!

…and a dream!

…and a dream!

…and a dream!

--Stefani Germanotta

Argument

Hello, it’s me again, that twenty-six year old married professional that dared to enter tween land and brave the Twilight Saga. Just as a warning, this review is going to be long, mostly because I was impressed with Stephanie Meyer’s ability to make her writing mean something.

In almost all circumstances, I am a big proponent of following your gut when it comes to book series like these, so let me tell you a little bit about my gut feeling on the whole Twiligh thing.

I figured that this entire twenty-three hundred page series would consist of dancing and prancing around tween land, never containing any real semblance of a plot, character development, depth, theme, or meaning. Regularly, I ridiculed the series; making fun of how “gaga” all the ladies were going over it. The lines for the movies were 99.9% female from the ages of 8-14. Basically, every possible reason that a mid-twenties male would not like this series was present. I was, for the most part, correct in my assumptions, until I hit page two-thousand. But we will have more on that later.

We’ve come so far together, so before we delve into the fourth installment of the series; it’s prudent to take a look at where we’ve been. In brief:

Twilight: A new girl at school meets a boy with a secret. They fall in gaga love, frolic around for a bit, and at the end, almost as an aside, an antagonist is introduced to provide conflict and what could be mistakenly construed as a plot. Boy saves girl from bad guy, they go back to school with love, love, and extra love.

New Moon: Bad boy decides he is a threat to girl and leaves. This gives us time for douchebag to enter, stage-right. New guy is friendly with girl. Ridiculous plot leads to girl going to save boy, they survive. Lot’s more love between the two.

Eclipse: We haven’t atoned for our sins in the first book, and it comes back to haunt us. Lot’s of bad guys come to kill boy and girl. Dumb girl decides she loves douchbag as well as bad boy. We win the fight with the help of douchbag’s friends. Bad boy is somehow OK with girl’s love for douchbag and they decide it’s time to get married.

I don’t think it is too far of a stretch to say that the above three books were just a little bit silly. Sure, there were glimmers of good writing, especially in New Moon, but the entire series was, overall, two characters in lovey-dovey land, with random challenges arbitrarily introduced to give Edward and Bella opportunities to reunite and return to Loveland once again. We had an entire character, Jacob, which had absolutely nothing to do with the advancement of any plot in any book. Therefore, the first three books could be described as tedious, with just enough conflict to keep our Bella and Edward apart for long enough for you to root for them to get back together.

Breaking Dawn was broken into three books, so it seems reasonable for this final review to also be broken into three parts. Without further ado…

Honeymoon Destinations Not as Cool as Greece

Breaking Dawn began with the wedding of the century taking place at Cullen Manor. My favorite character, Alice, does all the preparations, and of course, Bella is embarrassed again. We get yet another confrontation with Jacob that ends with him howling in pain as Edward and Bella drive off. I know, we were all hoping that Jacob could quit acting the part of the poor “nice-guy” in high school that got led on by the hot chick, but never could seal the deal with her. Well, Jacob, 1500 pages in and you are still that same guy that can’t take a hint, even when the object of your desire GETS FUCKING MARRIED. Oh well, he played the part so well for so long, I guess we were owed one more temper tantrum from him, “What do you mean you’re gonna have sex with your husband on your honeymoon, Bella? Waaaaaaaaa-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

Edward and Bella make their way to a remote island off the coast of Brazil. And finally, our buddy, E-Cizzle does what we all wanted him to do about three books ago – he seals the deal with Bells. First, bruises all over her body. Second, broken headboard. Third, well, you get the picture. Meyer does a good job of straddling the fine line between describing raunchy teenage de-virginization in detail and respecting the fact that her target audience isn’t even sure what’s going on for this whole part of the book.

Two weeks into the honeymoon, Bells is late for her period, which begs the question, what was Edward doing the last three books when Bells was getting her period? Her blood is supposed to be irresistible and all, wouldn’t he have a hard time being around her?. This is a plot hole that I am more than willing to ignore.

We all know what missing your period means – PREGNANT! That’s right kids, don’t have sex until you’re married because you’re gonna get pregnant the first time you ever have sex, so you better be a good married Latter Day Saint!

You Mean I Am Going to Have to Read a Whole Section of This Book from This Douchebag’s Point of View?

Book Two is told from the first-person perspective of Jacob, and I honestly don’t remember a whole lot of what happened at this part. First, the wolves decide to kill the Cullens, then they don’t. Then Jacob breaks off to be his own alpha-dog. There is some girl named Leah that does something I can’t remember. Jacob goes on patrol. Bella is pregnant and wants to drink blood to satiate the baby’s hunger. Jacob goes on patrol again. The baby breaks some of Bella’s ribs. Carlisle is concerned. Edward isn’t sure what he’s going to do and is distraught. Jacob goes on patrol yet again.

And then, WHAM! Edward performs an emergency Caesarian Section with his fucking teeth and Jacob falls in love with the newborn child. Awesome.

Edward makes Bella into a vampire to save her life. I am interested in seeing how they make Kristen Stewart look when she’s a vampire. Also, the newborn is named “Reneesme Carlie Cullen.” (Clever, clever!) This means, if Sarah and I have a daughter, she should be named “Nancigail Dougary Boyea.” What do you guys think?

At this point, I was certain that the silliness of the first three books was going to continue through the fourth and culminate with a climax that would make Blake Hurta (cheeseburgers!) look normal. I was wrong… Blake still looks weird in comparison to this… (BTW, this is a test to see if Blake actually reads these reviews, because wouldn’t it be great if Blake would bite the bullet and read the series?????????)

Stop Teasing Me, Stephanie, this Book Isn’t Really that Good, Is It?

So, I will spare you the plot points, but making a young child into a vampire is super-duper bad. Unfortunately, the Volturi seem to think Reneesme is one of these children. So guess what, they are gonna come take care of fucking business and kill her.

I would be willing to bet that the rest of my audience didn’t like the next couple-hundred pages. It consists mainly of seeking out other vampires to help with the Cullen’s cause. I, however, found this fascinating – finding out what powers other vampires had, their back stories and motivations (especially the Romanians). I could understand where this part might get boring, but I loved it.

It is also revealed that Bella has quite an extraordinary gift of “shielding.” Obviously, her lowly spot of a girl with such a low self-image up to this point was for a reason. It would actually be Bella, the girl that was so worried about how miniscule and accident-prone she was the whole series that would be poised to make the singular difference.

There are a couple of things set up at this point of the book that cause a real emotional reaction. First, Alice leaves the group without saying why. Alice had been my favorite character throughout the whole saga, and even though I knew she would probably be back, I was still sad to see her go. Second, Alice has Bella go see a man named J. Jenks to get fake birth certificates for Reneesme and Jacob. The sad aspect of this part will come in later.

The Cullen’s are surprisingly successful at bringing other vampires to come “witness” for the fact that Reneesme is not, in fact, an Immortal Child, and therefore should be spared the wrath of the Volturi. Lots of allies show up, and for a moment you really feel like the Cullens, in with the help of the wolves, have a chance at this thing. It should be easy, right, just have Reneesme use her special gift of letting others see her thoughts and it should be all said and done…

It is at this point that Meyer actually crosses the line between tween writing and good writing, even though it only lasted for about 150 pages.

The stage is set for the showdown. The Cullens have assembled a group of nineteen witnesses to the fact that Reneesme is not an Immortal Child, but a hybrid that actually grows and matures.

And so we enter the best part of the whole series. A caution: you all know I try to be witty and poke fun at these books in these reviews. Unfortunately, because I actually thought this part was good, it was very hard to be funny. The remainder probably won’t make you laugh…

The Volturi arrive, complete with the full guard and all of the wives. Unfortunately, they also arrive with about fifty of their own “witnesses.” Edward realized that should the confrontation become a fight, there is no way for the Cullens to win. The only hope is that the Volturi can be swayed by Reneesme. Aro is the first to speak to Edward and asks to be introduced to his daughter. He agrees that she is not a threat and that no crime has been committed. It soon becomes apparent, however, that the Volturi aren’t really interested in justice, but rather only interested in power. They view Reneesme as an unknown, and therefore a threat to their control. The pinnacle of Meyer’s writing is summed up in the vampire Garret’s speech to the Volturi:

"But some of us wondered"—his eyes flashed to Eleazars face—"if Carlisle having truth on his side would be enough to stop the so-called justice. Are the Volturi here to protect the safety of our secrecy, or to protect their own power? Did they come to destroy an illegal creation, or a way of life? Could they be satisfied when the danger turned out to be no more than a misunderstanding? Or would they push the issue without the excuse of justice?

"We have the answer to all these questions. We heard it in Aro's lying words—we have one with a gift of knowing such things for certain—and we see it now in Caius's eager smile. Their guard is just a mindless weapon, a tool in their masters' quest for domination. "So now there are more questions, questions that you must answer. Who rules you, nomads? Do you answer to someone's will besides your own? Are you free to choose your path, or will the Volturi decide how you will live?

"I came to witness. I stay to fight. The Volturi care nothing for the death of the child. They seek the death of our free will."

To whom is Meyer actually referring to in this passage? Perhaps a real social commentary on a government that professes to only be interested in upholding the law but instead is more interested in upholding their power…

So the final scene leads us toward a fight. Trying to remember all the special vampire power was just about as difficult as remembering what all the X-Men did. Where’s Wolverine when you need him? However, Meyer does a good job of placing most of the action around Bella and her transformation from the protected to the protector.

The emotional high of the book comes when all hope is lost, and Bella gives Reneesme to Jacob so that he can get her out of harm’s way. Those fake birth certificates are packed into a backpack along with thousands of dollars on Reneesme’s back. Bella tells Jacob:

I stretched up on my toes and whispered into his ear. "Wait until they're totally distracted, then run with her. Get as far from this place as you possibly can. When you've gone as far as you can on foot, she has what you need to get you in the air."

Meyer surely wouldn’t let the story end this way, right? Bella and Edward slaughtered and only Jacob and Reneesme make it out alive. Time for the…

Deus Ex Machina

So Alice shows back up, unsurprisingly. She happens to have another half-breed with her, who is able to convince the Volturi that Reneesme is not a threat. They leave, and we get our happily ever after.

Finality

I don’t really want to speak too much more on the ending of this book. I thought it was by far the best part, which puts me at odds with most of the girls I know who read the series. It seemed that for two thousand pages, we were steeped in a story that served no other purpose than for our main characters to be more in love while having to overcome minor obstacles which only served to help them be more in love.

In Breaking Dawn we finally get meaning. This is no longer a thirteen-year old’s wet dream. You feel despair when Alice leaves. You know it’s very sad for Bella to have to meet with J. Jenks to make arrangements for her daughter’s safety. Garret’s speech poignantly reveals the Volturi for who they are. Bella makes the arc from helpless girl to the main component of success. Our characters actually believe this is the end. Now we’re not talking about a love story, but a true conflict between a family held together by love and a group held together by a shared lust for power. The separation of the good and the evil.

Final Grade: A (It would have been an A+, but the tedious length and the obtuse use of “deus ex machina” cost it points)

Final Thought: So much was made about whether or not Edward or any of the other vampires had “souls.” Is this enough of an opening for us to expect more in the Twilight universe from Stephanie Meyer?